THE BACHELOR EPISODE 4: SINGABORING
Last week on the Episode 3 Recaptular, I left you guys with Hannah G. being the current favorite to win with Cassie, Elyse and Caelynn right behind.
The Miss Runner Up Caelynn and Psycho Hannah B. drama ignites from the beginning scene when Chris, while he surprises the girls with the news that they are going to Singapore, makes the colossal mistake of calling Hannah B. "Caelynn" and she quickly corrects him. Colton lets us know he hopes that the trip to Singapore will be a fresh start from the drama and that the pageant girls will just stay "out of each other's way". Good luck, Colton.
"Could Colton lose his virginity in Singapore? I don't know." -Demi. 4:47 into the show and Colton's virginity is brought up.
I don't blame Colton for suggesting Singapore to ABC production. I would want the travel break from these idiots, too.
ONE ON ONE DATE: "LET'S FALL IN LOVE"
Taysha is the recipient of the invite. Colton wants to get to know her better by scaring the crap out of her and have her bungee off a 30 story bungee drop.
"I'm not scared of heights. I'm scared of falling" - Taysha
You should be scared of that pool beneath you. If you can see how dirty it is from that far up, I wonder what that looks like up close. They need to clean it. You can trust me on this one. I was a Certified Pool Operator in 2007.
Colton jumps first and he screams like a girl. Taysha literally jumps off the platform. The jerk that her spine must have taken probably made her grow 2.5 inches.
Taysha says, "The date card says: LET'S FALL IN LOVE. I'm taking those things quite literal from now on." DO YOU THINK, TAYSHA?!? DID YOU NEVER WATCH THE BACHELOR BEFORE??
The rest of the date is just a make out sesh in the water. At dinner, Taysha knows she has to dig deep and talk about something that has effected her in her life. Last week, Caitlin did not have any good stories for producers and Colton sent her packing early so Taysha knows she has to bring it. She used to be married.
Is Colton's beard sweating? Does he put gel in his beard? Why is it glistening? I googled it. Beard gel is a thing.
GROUP DATE: LET'S GET A TASTE OF SINGAPORE
Hannah G., Elyse, Kirpa, Sidney, Heather, Onyeka, Tracy, Nicole, Demi, Courtney, Katie, Cassie, and Hannah B.
"As long as she doesn't get one." and "The most hurtful result that could have happened this week." are two quotes from the Drama Queen Hannah. Word of advice Roll Tide. Get over the pageant drama. I have seen enough of these things that soon Colton is going to realize the show is all about him and if you aren't giving him 100% of your time, he is going to dump you. And it won't be at the rose ceremony. Probably on a two on one date on an island.
By the way, that is my favorite break up. When the bachelor dumps a girl on an island and then the remaining contestant and the bachelor helicopter out of there leaving her with crabs. It's awesome.
Leaches. Fortune tellers. Disgusting food. GROUP DATES ARE SO BORING.
Demi takes control of the of the date and Courtney just complains about it.
LET'S SUM UP THE DINNER DATE PORTION OF THE GROUP DATE: Cassie's dress was smoking hot, Hannah knows her character sucks, Demi tells Colton about her jailbird Mom, and Courtney complains more.
Guess who got the group date rose???
ONE ON ONE DATE WITH CAELYNN: "I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SPECIAL DAY FOR SO LONG."
Colton wants to make Caelynn feel special by buying her things. Full on Pretty Woman.
I hope Caelynn knows that Colton is not really spending his own money. Anyway, it is clear Colton likes her and he will not be picking Alabama Hannah.
At dinner, Caelynn told Colton she had to tell him something. Man, did that turn dark. No way there is a joke to put in here. Let's just be reminded that "NO MEANS NO" and if you have to drug someone for them to spend more than 3 minutes alone with you, you are a very, very bad person.
We can sum up the cocktail with Caelynn says she wants to bury the hatchet with Hannah and, "wants this experience to be the best for both of us," which means, "you know he bought me a dress and shoes and this competition is over between you and me so will you please just leave me alone?"
Hannah agrees to bury the hatchet. Which means Hannah buried the hatchet but left the handle sticking out.
Here is my favorite part of the cocktail hour. Demi is sick of both Courtney and Tracy. Tracy has not been a threat to her this episode because Tracy is boring and so Demi puts Courtney is her cross hairs. You're going down, Courtney.
Demi tells Colton that Courtney is a cancer in the house. Colton, so responsible of him, confronts Courtney- this may be her only one on one time with him and it is her fault. Courtney is beside herself and she is going to confront the group. And it goes like this...
Tracy and Courtney both get sent home!!!! Demi killed 2 birds with one stone!!! 13 ladies left.
THE ODDS TO WIN
- THE FAVORITE: Hannah G.
- STILL IN THE HUNT: Cassie, Caelynn and Demi
- DON'T SLEEP ON: Heather (I have a feeling she will be getting her first kiss next week)